How do I compare?

It keeps pulling me in. This relentless, restless need to compare myself. To everyone, including to my own earlier vrersions. Even as a child, I sometimes think, I was so much braver, so much more certain, so much more expressive. But here I am now… and the world is spinning around at a speed that at times makes it impossible to even know where I stand, let alone measure how that compares to anyone else.

Worse yet. There is no measuring stick, there are no grades for quick assessment. So many people – most of whom I don’t know and will most likely never meet – come in and out of my awareness. Doing amazing things, eating tastiest dishes, smiling the widest smiles, showing off beautiful bodies on beautiful beaches. “Flaunting” their lives, relationships, creative freedom, confidently sharing deep and intimate moments.

But I think I now get what’s beneath it all. Rather than seeing it as some sort of competitive jealousy, I love thinking of it as my deep admiration of their unapologetic certainty of being themselves. Because what I actually want and desire is not the plate of food they are about to enjoy, their body parts or their lives. But rather – more enjoyment, more awareness, more embracing of all that’s already in front of me. I want more of the grace, the elegance, the ease, the certainty for my own expression, for my own life.

So if it happens to you too, next time the comparison pulls you in, pause to notice what is it exactly that entices you about the life of another. And then allow it to be a reminder, a reflection, a call leading you to be more fully, more gracefully, more bravely you.

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